Hope
by Firesblood
Summary: Severus reflects on his feelings for Hermione, and the sadness he feels as she walks for the last time out of the Hogwarts doors...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.

For as long as I can remember, there has been pain. Nothing could relieve it, as I never let anything or anyone become close enough to help. Not even that blasted headmaster that tried so hard to break such morose feelings. That twinkle always served to anger me further because I knew that it signified meddling. Sometimes I thought that perhaps I should let him meddle in my sorrowful life, and then I would finally find some miniscule amount of happiness. But my guard is thick, far too thick for even myself to break.

That is why when I saw her exit those doors for the last time, I felt all hope leave with her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, with so much light that could bring even the darkest of men out of their emotional coma. I should not have placed my hopes in the arms of said young woman, with her darkened honey eyes and mass of unruly curls. She was the object of every young man's fantasies, the embodiment of loveliness and intelligence. However, I saw her dejected far too many times, because she remained in fantasies, those school boys too intimidated by her presence to move forward. How many times had I thought about asking her to stay behind after class and tell her just exactly what she was worth to me. How I wished I could find the courage in my cold heart to tell her that I needed her to be whole and happy. But all I could do is stand nearby and sneer as Weasley made clumsy attempts at trying to woo her, without seeming obvious. I insulted her intelligence in class because I couldn't say how I truly felt about her.

Damn my insolence!

I had made her cry the last day in my class. I belittled her in front of her peers, while they snickered at her beautiful back. I had done this so many times over the years, but it seemed that that day was different. Her large eyes looked at me with pain that could have rivaled my own. How I longed to take my vengeful words back as she tried to hide the tears from everyone.

Malfoy had had to open his mouth and put his two cents worth in, and that only served to upset her further. She had gathered her things in a calm way, looked serenely up at me with a tearful gaze, and delivered the most heart-wrenching sentence I had ever heard.

'I hope that your life turns around and gives you a second chance. Then perhaps you will recognize what exactly is placed in front of you and won't kill it with your sour words.'

With that, she whispered a goodbye, and walked from my presence. She had looked over her shoulder once, and for a moment, I allowed her feelings to berate me.

Sadness, anger, heartbreak, and love is what hit me.

Love.

Her thoughts followed feelings. Mental images of her staring secretively up at me while my back was turned. Admiration as my hands moved, slicing ingredients with astute accuracy. How it stung when I had delivered yet another insult at her for completing the potion perfectly or answering a question no one else could answer. Longingly gazing at me from the table, as I stared grumpily at my dinner plate. Relief when I came back to the castle, limping in pain to tell everyone that the Dark Lord was finally dead, and I would submit myself to judgment for my actions in killing Dumbledore. Determination as I saw her scan through books to find any sort of loophole or proof that I was innocent. Love and happiness as she watched me step off the stands and walk out of the Wizongamot doors, found not guilty.

Love. Hermione Granger had loved me, and I her.

I had closed my eyes as I heard the door close. I should have gone after her and apologized. I should have stopped her from walking out of those doors after her graduation. I should have told her I loved her.

But alas…Thus is my curse. Doomed to my pain. Even now as I sit staring at my desk, I can feel her moving farther and farther from my reach. Her light will never reach me.

'Professor Snape?' The most beautiful voice in the world enters my ears. My obsidian eyes look up and behold a dream.

Hope has returned with a nervous smile on her face…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter

I know very little about love. When it comes to books and logic, I am an utter genius. I don't know anything about how to do my hair or makeup, or how to dress fashionably. That area was always left up for Lavender or Parvati. They were the mistresses of such things.

I have always been the bookish tomboy type, what little friends I had being of the male gender, even before I met Harry and Ron. I was always the little sister, the best guy friend with a female brain and body parts. It wasn't until my 4th year that people began to realize that I was indeed a girl. Boys began to look at me with longing eyes, and even Ron began to act strangely around me. I thought at first that I fancied him a bit, but his idiocy took care of that problem for me. I became very grateful for Harry, who seemed the only one who did not try to catch my eye or impress me. He remained the lovable boy-who-lived, forever trying to hide from the spotlight.

I remember the first day I realized that perhaps I fancied someone a little darker than allowed. Most people would probably lock me away in St. Mungos for my attraction to this utterly somber man.

He wasn't exactly prince charming. His eyes were so dark, both windows to his blackened soul. I entertained the idea of bringing him out of his hole, always trying to gather the bravery to stay after class and speak with him. Instead, I channeled that energy into my studies, hoping to capture his interest in that way.

"Put your hand down, you disgusting know-it-all! In your seven years of potions, have I EVER called on you? For someone who prides herself in her rather large brain, you are the dumbest creature I have come in contact with!"

I felt my heart break at those words that he delivered to me. I could only stare at him. It wasn't until Malfoy said something that my reverie was broken and I could look down fast enough to hide my tears.

"I guess your brain isn't as big as your front teeth after all, Mudblood!"

My lip trembled at that. I tried to compose myself the best I could. It was my last day after all. I would walk out of those doors with my head held high, no matter what was said to me, and with the last word. I looked up at my beloved professor.

"I hope that your life turns around and gives you a second chance. Then perhaps you will recognize what exactly is placed in front of you and won't kill it with your sour words."

It didn't even feel as if I were the one talking. I saw his eyes flicker with a strange emotion and as I gather my things and walked towards the door, I couldn't help but look at him, my guard down. I felt him probe my mind tentatively, as my feelings and thoughts flowed from me. Let him see exactly what I feel. Let him see exactly what he has done. Let him see that possibly his only hope is now walking out of his door forever. Let him see what I see in him.

I love you.

There it was. My feelings were as clear to me in my mind as they had ever been. And soon, they would be clear to him as well.

I left. I walked out of that door and didn't look back again.

The rest of the day went by too fast. Everyone knew what they were going to do. I didn't know whether I was going to go to university, or study an apprenticeship. Amazing. It was said that I had the most brilliant mind that Hogwarts has seen in years, and I can't even decide what to do with my future.

The Ceremony of Steps was frightening. It was a time for us all to walk down the stairs of the castle, newly graduated wizards. The future. All I could do was look into the past. I felt his eyes as I left, stepping into the carriage with Harry and Ron.

"Say…Hermione, want a bite to eat before we go home? I could buy…kind of a…you know…date maybe?" Ron asked clumsily once we were well on our way.

"No Ron."

My insides were crawling and my heart felt like it was breaking with each step the Thestrals took. I had to go back. I had to tell him. I had to see him.

I stood up, knocking a bewildered Crookshanks from my lap and dove out of the door, the boys screaming in protest. Before I knew it, I was on my feet and running. I had to see him again!

When I reached the castle, McGonnogal watched me, a twinkle not unlike Dumbledore's bombarding her once fierce eyes.

I ran though the door, down the stairs, to the potions room door. I froze. I was there.

I spent what felt like an hour waiting, catching my breath, convincing myself that I was doing the right thing.

Slowly, I pressed my palm against the cool, heavy door, and pushed. It made no sound whatsoever, and revealed a rather distraught looking Severus Snape hunched over his desk.

I stepped gingerly into the office. He did not move.

"Professor Snape?" I said quietly, almost shyly.

It took him a moment, but he looked up. Even now, I remember that look. That beautiful, happy look as if suddenly, his world would forever be changed. And he was right.


End file.
